Goodbye

How do you say goodbye to someone who's been with you your entire life? The one who listens to you ramble without judgement, who attends every event you invite her to, who has the kindest heart and has always been willing to serve anyone in need?

That was me today. I said goodbye to my granny. She didn't die, but mostly likely our visit today will be our last.

She loves my kids, but can't remember their names. She dresses everyday in her Sunday best because she forgets what day it is. She can't even figure out what she likes to eat. She celebrates her 90th birthday in a few weeks. But she doesn't remember.

Watching her grow old makes me sad. I just can't imagine my life without her. She's always been there. I always assumed she would be there forever. That I would have plenty of time. And now that time is gone.

I'm so glad my kids got to have time with her, making memories and enjoying some of the same little moments I did as a child. Reading to me, singing songs, her gardening hat and gloves that she wore while caring for her rose garden. She always had special treats for the kids, new toys and crayons, fun little trinkets. She sent me Valentines in the mail every year, as well as my children, when they came along. The ten dollar bill in my birthday card.

She always had a way of putting things in perspective for me, experience in relationships, or teaching my children, or trials I suffered. She was kind. She never judged. I was never a disappointment to her.

Tomorrow she leaves for Utah. She can't live on her own anymore and her kids found a home for her there. I've been told it's nice and her room is big and they are taking some of her possessions to make it feel more familiar and cozy. I don't travel to Utah often. I don't know if I'll make it out there before she dies.

Tonight I told her I would miss her. She said she would only be gone a few days. She doesn't understand what's happening. She asked me to come and visit her again soon. I promised her I'd try. I told her I loved her. I kissed her. I told her to be a good girl and try not to give her kids a hard time. She laughed. And now I am home, sitting here with a hole in my heart.

Just in the last few moments have I really realized how precious life is. I knew it already, but what a great reminder for me. As I watched my baby toddler across the yard, listened to my granny ramble nonsense conversations that she can't finish, it will all disappear in the blink of an eye. Time does not stop, use it wisely.
Oh how I love you granny. Till we meet again....